Alzheimer's where have you taken my Best Friend??

I went out yesterday to do an initial assessment on a woman that was going to be moving into our assisted living community. She did not know I was coming. The daughter was beside her self because of the terrible behavior her mother had been exhibiting. The husband was there, who also was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. So it was a pretty solemn entrance.

I came in and it was very apparent the daughter was nervous. She had just been shopping and didn't even want me to see that there were groceries on the counter. I assured her that we all go shopping. We had a nice little conversation and her husband and I both informed her the best peanut butter was "Skippy". That seemed to relax the situation slightly.

She told me I had just missed her mom, who had remarkably just ate some lunch and took her medication which has not been the normal for the past week. However, the daughter had made mention of a ring on her finger and that changed the whole atmosphere and away Mom went down the hall to her room. So I had a 50/50 chance of her even talking to me.

So I sat down with the daughter and started asking some questions about what kind of help she might need when she moved in. Well, Mom decided to join us, she came down the hall and gave me the "dagger throwing" stare. I was introduced as her daughters friend. Well the sarcasm in her voice was very apparent! "Well isn't that nice" and she turned around and went back to her room, slammed the door twice and even locked the door which was new behavior for her. So, the son-in-law, unlocked the door and came back down to the kitchen where we all were. She was fine, she just was making a statement.

I have seen this type of behavior time and time again, so it didn't surprise me one bit. Of course I knew she would be back, and sure enough within about 10 minutes there she was. She knew I wasn't a friend. She knew I was an "official" looking person. What did I want. So we had to go the different angle. She had seen the doctor the day before, so I was the nurse gathering information for the doctor's files to make sure everything was up to date.

She proceeded to call me several different obscene names and didn't get a rise out of me, but did out of her daughter unfortunately. She finally settled down at the table and I was able to start asking pertinent questions. I did fine until it got to the more personal ones about bowel and bladder, then she went into round 2. "What gives you the right to come in here, and the audacity to ask questions......" I let her go on rampage 2.

I then said, "Beth, (not her real name) Why are you so angry with me? You do not even know me? I don't think you are really angry are you? I think your sad!" She began to fight back...I said, your not angry...your sad aren't you? I broke through that time. "Yes,I am" The tears started to come.

Her great grandchildren had come and she even said she didn't want to see them. She proclaimed why no one cares, no one loves me, etc. Finally we had the oldest come to the kitchen. She saw him and she lit up like a Christmas tree. I had gathered enough from her so I had him take her to the other room to see the other children also. I could hear, mixed happiness, and sadness, the tales of woe, they are going to put me somewhere. The daughter wanted to get her to protect the children, I said, they know she has the disease? Yes, then they will understand.

The daughter at this point needed my support. She was hurting. She definitely was using every ounce of strength to hold back the tears. She told me that her Mom was her best friend, they did everything together. She gave the best advice, she told all her secrets to her. She was suffering a big loss, and now she was treating her like the ENEMY. And to top it off, her Dad was just diagnosed with terminal Cancer.
She had found out her Dad has a fear of being alone, so she will have to stay by his side through his illness.

So in short, this is one of the main reasons I am on this earth...to help take care of someone's loved one, care and nurture them through the good and the bad. Someday there will be that special someone to help me!