Alzheimer's where have you taken my Best Friend??

I went out yesterday to do an initial assessment on a woman that was going to be moving into our assisted living community. She did not know I was coming. The daughter was beside her self because of the terrible behavior her mother had been exhibiting. The husband was there, who also was diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer. So it was a pretty solemn entrance.

I came in and it was very apparent the daughter was nervous. She had just been shopping and didn't even want me to see that there were groceries on the counter. I assured her that we all go shopping. We had a nice little conversation and her husband and I both informed her the best peanut butter was "Skippy". That seemed to relax the situation slightly.

She told me I had just missed her mom, who had remarkably just ate some lunch and took her medication which has not been the normal for the past week. However, the daughter had made mention of a ring on her finger and that changed the whole atmosphere and away Mom went down the hall to her room. So I had a 50/50 chance of her even talking to me.

So I sat down with the daughter and started asking some questions about what kind of help she might need when she moved in. Well, Mom decided to join us, she came down the hall and gave me the "dagger throwing" stare. I was introduced as her daughters friend. Well the sarcasm in her voice was very apparent! "Well isn't that nice" and she turned around and went back to her room, slammed the door twice and even locked the door which was new behavior for her. So, the son-in-law, unlocked the door and came back down to the kitchen where we all were. She was fine, she just was making a statement.

I have seen this type of behavior time and time again, so it didn't surprise me one bit. Of course I knew she would be back, and sure enough within about 10 minutes there she was. She knew I wasn't a friend. She knew I was an "official" looking person. What did I want. So we had to go the different angle. She had seen the doctor the day before, so I was the nurse gathering information for the doctor's files to make sure everything was up to date.

She proceeded to call me several different obscene names and didn't get a rise out of me, but did out of her daughter unfortunately. She finally settled down at the table and I was able to start asking pertinent questions. I did fine until it got to the more personal ones about bowel and bladder, then she went into round 2. "What gives you the right to come in here, and the audacity to ask questions......" I let her go on rampage 2.

I then said, "Beth, (not her real name) Why are you so angry with me? You do not even know me? I don't think you are really angry are you? I think your sad!" She began to fight back...I said, your not angry...your sad aren't you? I broke through that time. "Yes,I am" The tears started to come.

Her great grandchildren had come and she even said she didn't want to see them. She proclaimed why no one cares, no one loves me, etc. Finally we had the oldest come to the kitchen. She saw him and she lit up like a Christmas tree. I had gathered enough from her so I had him take her to the other room to see the other children also. I could hear, mixed happiness, and sadness, the tales of woe, they are going to put me somewhere. The daughter wanted to get her to protect the children, I said, they know she has the disease? Yes, then they will understand.

The daughter at this point needed my support. She was hurting. She definitely was using every ounce of strength to hold back the tears. She told me that her Mom was her best friend, they did everything together. She gave the best advice, she told all her secrets to her. She was suffering a big loss, and now she was treating her like the ENEMY. And to top it off, her Dad was just diagnosed with terminal Cancer.
She had found out her Dad has a fear of being alone, so she will have to stay by his side through his illness.

So in short, this is one of the main reasons I am on this earth...to help take care of someone's loved one, care and nurture them through the good and the bad. Someday there will be that special someone to help me!

How Dementia Affects Couples

Many caregivers health deteriorates faster than the person with the dementia. They do not realize they are working 24 hours a day to keep things together and they neglect themselves.

I have a couple of "couples" that just can't seem to separate themselves from each other so they actually moved into the dementia unit together even though only one of them actually has no dementia. Their love is so strong they just can not bear to be separated. Unfortunately, this is definitely not the best choice. I have seen it in the past. It generally tears the person up watching their loved one turn into a person they do not know. They do not understand why they are doing the things they are doing why they won't listen, why they won't eat, why they won't eat, why...why...why.

The hardest hit couples are the young ones. The man is usually the main money maker and when he falls victim to the disease it can be devastating. The elderly have their own problems they are on fixed incomes and are frail. How are they going to afford to get help in.

Everyone is affected by this disease and it continues to grow and cost more and more each year.

I have put some You-Tube clips on the sidebar for you to view. There are also some others that are mixed in just wait a few minutes and the dementia ones will come up.

I have also put a mix of books below that you can read. Many people believe that vitamins help with the memory also. Look around and have some fun.

The Move In

The hardest thing for a family to do is give up control of their loved one to a group of unknown people to care for a person with Dementia . You have spent months, years, protecting them learning everything they like, how in the world is someone else going to be able to learn all these things you have spent years learning?

The 1st thing you have to look at is the Quality of Life they have. Is there any type of activity program you are providing as a stimulus for them? Are there any socialization events with people their own age? They need to have that. Also, have they progresses to a point where simple little tasks are extremely hard for them to do now, and you are at a loss for what to do with them during the day?

Do you have a job that you have to go to during the day and they are left alone in the house? Do you feel that they are safe? Do they wander? Can they operate appliances safely? These are all questions you must ask yourself. You would never forgive yourself if some tragedy would occur while you were not there. It only takes a minute!!

When you do plan the move in, make sure to take just enough memories to remind them of all the fond things of the past. Do not bring in a lot of glass items that can break easy. Make it a rule of thumb if they can eat or drink it and its poison, it should not be in their room. Dementia residents alot of times lose the ability to reason properly and will do things that a normal adult would never even consider. Make the room simple and easy to move around in. Do not clutter the area.

In most instances, be prepared for them to be upset, angry, worried about the move. They will want to leave with you. Do not take any attacks personally, they are trying to make you feel guilty so you will take them out of this new unfamiliar place.

Remember the people in these communities are trained to take care of Dementia residents and deal with them daily. It will take time and patience, but they will adjust.

DO THE MOVE BEFORE YOU BURN YOURSELF OUT FIRST!! THEY NEED YOU STRONG!!

HEAT WAVE WARNING

Here in the Bay Area of California we are heading into a very serious situation for our elderly, frail, children, pets, well...practically everyone. Its the middle of May and they are predicting temperatures to reach over 100 degrees Thursday afternoon.

The most important thing that we need to make sure to do is to keep hydrated. People forget to drink and become dehydrated so quickly that they are in big trouble before they even realize it. Remind everyone to drink water all day long. Offer it at least every hour. Keep everyone indoors during the hottest part of the day. If you have to go outside, make sure you wear a hat. Try to stay in a shady area. Make sure you use a sunblock to protect your skin with a SPF of 30 should be good.

If you do not have to go out, stay inside. Do not do strenuous outdoor activity. Please do not leave children or animals alone in the car. Even if you leave the windows open it will get extremely hot in there in no time. It will be like being baked alive.



Take these warnings seriously. You do not want one of your loved ones to be one that ends up a statistic.

Urinary Tract Infections

One of the most common things that happens to the elderly is getting a Urinary Tract Infection. Most of the time, they can not tell you what is wrong. If they have not had any incontinence, and all of a sudden it develops, that is a good sign. But, the biggest sign is when they are all of a sudden more confused then you can ever remember. The first thing you want to do is check that out first.

The elderly do not want to drink enough fluids because the more fluids they drink the more times they have to go to the bathroom. The more times they have to go to the bathroom just becomes an added chore. If they are prone to incontinence or accidents, they want to avoid that at all costs. So less fluids, so the urine is very concentrated sits in the bladder and has a nice place for bacteria to grow.

The other thing they tend not to do very well is clean well when they are wiping after going to the bathroom. Or they have a tendency not to want to take showers as often so their general hygiene isn't as good.

If they are incontinent, make sure you have a good incontinent product for them to use that will wick away the urine so as not to have contact with the skin for too long. If that happens then you have the risk of skin breakdown from the urine.

Make sure the clothing is easy to get on and off, wash and dry.


You want to make it as easy for them and for you if you are doing the wash. Make sure if they are going into an Assisted Living or Nursing Home, you do not bring in anything that needs to be dry cleaned because it will probably come out of the dryer the size to fit a cabbage patch doll. :^)

Alzheimer's and Family Dynamics

There has been one thing that I have noticed time and time again is when family members disagree with the plan of care.

Way back, when Mom or Dad, were in full congnition of their facilties, they made a decision on whom they wanted to take care of their affairs. It was not based on who they liked the best, but who they thought would make the best health care decision for them. When the time comes, to start using it, all of a sudden the wraths of fury come out and the family members start coming down on the one in "charge".

They have NO idea, how much time and effort, is involved. How much responsibility is involved, but they certainly never agree on what the one in charge is doing. Does this affect Mom or Dad? YOU BET!! Some of them get down right nasty. The tension is High. The air is so thick you can cut it with a knife. They think they are only hurting their sibling...Well let me tell you.....

Mom, Dad, whomever it is, they may not be able to completely tell you what is going on, they can not tell you the words they want to say, but watch how they react to all of you. Are they getting anxious? Nervous? Not eating? Crying? Trying to call the police department? Not sleeping? Yelling at you for simple things? Is there memory going away faster and faster? These are all stressors that occur.

Families have to be fully aware that inside, there is alot of that person and they understand alot of what is going on. They may not be able to express it like you or I, but it will come out one way or another.

If this is happening to you, please seek professional help, join a group, go to the Alzheimer's Website they have many places to help you. Do not let this overwhelm you and break up the family. It is easy to judge the other person, when you are not the primary caregiver with all the responsibility.

REMEMBER...CELEBRATE EACH RESIDENT'S LIFE!